Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
Just another note, since I'm still getting messages here - I have left this account and can now be found at:

See you on the other side! :-)
Hello! Just a quick note to let you know that I've moved. My new gallery is Caelicorn, I won't be updating this one any longer, but I probably won't upload much of the stuff that's in this gallery to the new one either :-)
Sorry I've been away for such a long time peoples. Im still doing my thing, commissions, bits and pieces here and there, but I've become extremely introverted the past year or so. Posting here now is a pretty new thing I'm doing, trying to get back out into the world a little. You can go crazy in your own head :P Plus therapist says its good.

To those of you I've lost touch with - my sincerest apologies. It's a messy story. Anyway, I guess I'll update sooner or later. Oh I made a new devid, which I'll put up here as soon as I make the move. Evilninjarochelle is such a lame-o name!
She deserves every ounce of praise she gets! Go look at kaoru87's stuff for some really unique and striking character designs.  I think she has an eye for aesthetic patterns - she always has these interesting swirls and curlicues and background shapes to compliment linear-like compositions. If you like anime, you should definitely check her out, coz she's like anime plus chocolate sauce and cheeerries (that is much cooler!!)

Here are some of my favourites:

- - b i r d c a g e --- by kaoru87 - - c h a n g e --- by kaoru87 - - f l o vv e r --- by kaoru87 Red shadows by kaoru87


ALSO I'd like to say a big thanks to all of you people who have come around and left comments and things in the past. It's always a real pleasure to see familliar names about, and I really appreciate it!  I'm just sorry I can't visit everyone back! I'm notorious for forgetting to reply to comments or messages or notes or emails, see!! But I'm trying to make an effort to pop around and see the wot up ;D
Awesome, AMAZING, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Arts by deviant ani-r, GO! Check her stuff out!! She is a rising star. Well, okay, she's already a star!

:thumb34390941: :thumb28536487: :thumb29675683: :thumb28175565:

I've been tagged... !

Rules: The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a journal about their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their devpage comments and tell them to read yours....

1. I love warm blankets. I walk around the house in blankets. I watch tv with a blanket wrapped around me.  I sleep with far too many blankets because I like the warm snuggly feeling. I claim my filipina blood makes me super cold, but I'm not sure if this is completely true....If I buy a new blanket (or anything to do with bed-time) I just -can't- wait to get home and go to sleep! Sometimes I will sleep during the day just to feel the nice warm snuggly drowsiness that is sleeping in a snuggly bed with lots of blankets.  I use a duvet even in summer.

2. In winter I am sometimes guilty of wearing the same socks for several days in a row until I decide that they are stinky. I never buy new socks unless I have to. I will wear socks (and shoes) until they completely fall apart.

3. I have to hold my keys in my hand, or my credit card/eftpos card in my hand several paces before I have to use it.  I have to have my money ready for the bus as soon as I leave the house, and I have to have it in my hand at least a block before I get to the bus stop.

4. When I am eating ice-cream, if it is too cold, I will sometimes catch myself blowing on the spoon it down as if it is hot.

5. If I am leaving a building by the stairway and I hear footsteps coming from above me, I have to hurry down the stairway and get out really fast before that person catches up or sees me, because I dont want them to GET ME!!

6. I don't usually eat the crust of toast.  To me there is no point. Like eating the rind of cheese or orange.

(enialadam | Hera-of-Stockholm | SithLordLiisa | JeesumCrowe | dracostellarum | Virdilak are all tagged)
I heard about a youth suicide today that brought back feelings from when my friend committed suicide when she was seventeen.  She used to be my best friend until she moved cities and we still kept in touch, but probably not as often as we would have liked to.

I know what it is like to go through the terrible private pain that is depression, and feel like you can't get up every day because what's the point.  I don't know what it is like to decide that you want to die, though. But I do know that I don't want -any- young person to do to themselves what she did, or what he did. I don't care who you are, I don't want you to do it.

Nah, it doesn't matter that I don't know who you are. But, if you feel this way and you happen to see this journal, feel free to talk to me about it if you want to. If you are hurting so much that all you can see is how much better things would be if you were gone, you need to realise that it is a serious enough matter for you to owe it to yourself as well as other people, to at least -tell- someone why before you do it.

Who knows, it might help you to tell someone - not me, anyone? Even if you hate that person who wants to listen, even if you just want to tell them to shut up. That's cool.
Quick! Change the subject!!!
((BEFORE YOU READ THIS - to any of you awesome nice people, please ignore this's only directed at those who would alter my work without permission))

[Angry rant removed]

Guys! Don't alter my work without my permission, it makes me very very mad.

This also goes for everyone who thinks they want to colour my graphite pictures. Don't do this without my permission.

Don't colour on a critique you gave me. If you alter my image based on your critique, it'll be to your tastes and not mine!! If I agree with your critique, I'll change my image myself to a level that I like it at.
I feel as if I have hit another stage of evolution in my artwork, but we shall see.  As usual, I'm not out to please anyone, really, but myself.  I draw what I like to see and it doesn't bother me if other people like it or dislike it.  I am fairly sure of my strengths and my weaknesses as well, so peoples hatrifications and likekingnesses don't really concern me as much as my own assessments.  

I am constantly exploring new themes, approaches, and techniques.  I enjoy discovering new concepts for myself and pushing my boundaries so that eventually, I will reach my goal of ultimate perfection, or something I guess :) I don't really know where I am going or where I want to go, just that the journey is fun! This art stuff is a great challenge, and facing the challenge of learning and improving means that I constantly feel as if I am making some sort of ground!

I like art because you can capture certain things that stick out to you, and draw other's attention to those things, too. I have only recently discovered meaning in my art to myself, which is quite funny. You would have thought that all these years I would have meant something deeper by it all. But usually this wasn't the case. It was doing silly pretty weird things, even if they were ugly weird, just for maybe the technical practice of making something interesting or pretty or ugly weird. It was facile what I did, it was just surface-stuff, really.  Yeah I think I was just practicing, finding my footing...trying to find a style and things like that!

Now I think I am somewhere near the end of this practicing stage.  I have a few more things I need to try yet, that are in the pipelines right now, and hopefully will be coming out soon - several figure interactions, action, romance, settings, interesting creatures, colour-combinations.  But presently I'm playing more with things that I know, which I think is a positive sign.  Just now I am thinking of feelings and seemings and deeper everythings like that that I want to convey, and it's a happy thing for me because I feel I am reconnecting with whatever art is to me again. Or possibly connecting properly for the first time in a very very long time.
If you ask for my permission to use my artwork, you will find that I will most often give it, as long as you credit it to me and/or link to one of my galleries.  The only reasons why I -wont- give you my permission are that a) the work legally belongs to someone else, or b) you are using my art in websets, tubes, or signatures.

There are people I have permitted to do so in the past. I can be fairly arbitrary in this, depending completely upon how I am approached - but this is my prerogative.

Sometimes I will discover people using my work on the internet without my permission, and %80 of the time I won't care.  I like to see that people enjoy my stuff enough or identify with it enough in some way to want to use it.  However, if I find you've stolen an entire concept off me, I will come after you.  But generally, I expect schlubs to pilfer my stuff without my permission so its ok - just be careful what you do to it - for there is one thing I will unfailingly go Nazi about:


I DO NOT give you permission to fiddle with the colours, shapes, or anything that I have created.  Do not colour my pictures.  Do not distort them, add or remove items.  Do not breach my copyright by changing my works. Do not subject them to derogatory treatment - do not change anything! I will not just sit around and twiddle my thumbs if you do.
Yes! I'm fairly on track. I'm at my busiest period - which means exams for about three weeks.

Check out my Elfwood gallery! just has much of the same stuff in it actually - but I'm fairly active around Elfwood at the mo, so if you're an Elfwoodian, I'll probably try to get around and visit you too, as long as you don't leave me those annoying comments where you do the split personality thing, or where all you say is "Woot, HAWT!"…

I'm feeling generally positive all round. This is a very good thing. I hope that I dont suddenly get all pissy or depressed or angry or whatever - sometimes that happens and it sucks! I hope that this streak of good just keeps on goin for at least another month or too ;)

And some good fortune thrown in couldn't do any damage, right?

If you're religious, spare a wee prayer for me ;) Spoil me! Send me good vibes! Perhaps someone will listen and splash out some good luck!

(Dont send me any bad ones - in that case I don't believe in them, ha ha ha)
I recently rejoined Elfwood. Yes, yes.

Still a pile of projects to go through, but the next projects in the cue are: Bloody Sonja, Khorben and Imari.  Then there's a whole lot of experimental stuff that I'm really looking forward to finishing, where I'm pushing my boundaries a bit with various things.
DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WOULD BE OFFENDED BY ANY SORT OF POLITICAL, CHARGED, OR POLARISED DISCUSSION OF THE DEATH PENALTY.  The opinions stated below are merely my own, and subject to heavy bias. This is not intended to be any sort of racial attack, but rather a very subjective spiel on a certain penalty that I just disagree with completely. I'm not going to back up everything I say with lil footnotes blah-di-blah. I'll just put a few links in so that you can read up, if you are actually interested.


Amnesty International estimates that at least 3000 people (including children) were executed in 2004, with the majority of the executions in China.  If you are at all interested in human rights, you will probably be aware of the dispute surrounding the method, fairness, and speed of trial-to-executions in China.  As a general overview, the death penalty can be incurred for conviction of violent crimes, non-violent economic crimes, political "separatism," prostitution, and drug-related offenses.  Although death by lethal injection was introduced to China in 1997 as an alternative to death by firing squad, executions are still ruled by the crack of the gunshot.  

From my readings, group executions appear to be quite the spectacle.  If my brother was convicted to death, I might be personally invited to attend a public rally in some stadium somewhere, in which he would be led out, gagged with rope or wire and chained by the ankles to other criminals.  He would be shepherded into a row of other someone's-brothers, with a placard hung about his neck stating his crime so that all could see.  A pity if all he did was steal a packet of cigarettes.  After waving goodbye to my brother if I can catch his eye, he'd be led out with the others and given the bullet's kiss somewhere.

Did you like my story?

One of the problems with the Criminal Procedure in China is that in sentencing, it often fails to take into account mitigating factors, such as self-defence, severe poverty, or psychological abuse or illness.  The execution of those under 18 ignores the international policy of The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, which China has ratified.  Although China has removed the death penalty for those under 18, Amnesty International considers that there have been several cases in which the age of those executed was speculated.… heavily referenced

I feel very strongly that the death penalty needs to be addressed, not just in China, but internationally.  It is still used in other countries to less and greater degrees of what some might view humanitarian.  For example, Iran still uses the public hanging method of execution; In 2004 a 16 year old girl was hanged for "acts incompatible with chastity," and a 17 year old youth was hanged for killing a friend who reportedly tried to sexually abuse him.  A woman has been sentenced to death for killing her abusive, drug-addicted husband when she discovered that he had tried to rape her 15 year old daughter.… And if you think that stonings were confined to Biblical times, you're wrong.  As a caught adulterer in Iran, you might be sentenced to 50 lashes and a stoning.…

It's all very sensationalist of me to point out the extreme cases to you, but it's very true that these events are happening while you might be in your cushy chair, in your sunshine world somewhere, where you can turn to Halflife 2 to punish gun-weilding characters, disregarding the factors comprising their existences.  In the Western world at least, where personal morality under democracy is beginning to override the more traditional mores upon which the law is based - it is important for YOU to decide where you stand.

Let me add a final note: in 2004 six individuals were sentenced to death in the US and later released on grounds of innocence.  Kelsey Patterson was executed in Texas last year, after long suffering from paranoid schizophrenia.  Inspite of issues affecting the reliability of forensic evidence obtained from the Houston Police Department, eight people were executed.…


And don't think this in its completeness reflects on my actual views, which are more or less confounded by various different circumstantial factors.
No, I don't really own. I just really like the way that it sounds and looks.  Sometimes I'll get words stuck into my head - weird aye? Not as weird as having "Condoleezza Rice" in my head for several days. That was damn freaky, seeing as I have absolutely no interest in her whatsoever. I guess the name rolls of the tongue somewhat, or something.

Now, here are some random things:

Pope John Paul II died this morning. How can you not respect a man who inspite of his traditionalist beliefs changed the world someway somewhat? They are saying he was responsible for the fall of Communism. His life was entirely amazing and inspiring. He testified to the fact that some people do hold strong to their beliefs and rise far.  AND did you ever see him speak? He was the most impressing, dynamic, dramatic and powerful public speaker I have ever witnessed - when he wasn't so fragile, but maybe I'm biased, seeing that I am a left-wing catholic? Well, I had great respect and love for him, and no matter of, no amount of contrary beliefs will change the fact that I admired him.

Audioslave have a new album coming out!!! I'm so very excited. I worship Chris Cornell like no other, even if he sounds as if he's constantly singing in falsetto when I am wasted :P He's just cool!! Rock n' roll, baby!

Enough of my idols. Here's something I've noticed:

Well, I've noticed it before, but for some reason it's more prominent to me at the moment, that I am surrounded by so many arrogant people in this artistic community.  It's not just this community, however - I meet them everywhere that I go somewhere creative.  Maybe competition, maybe self-identity makes people want to push the fruits of their labours onto you?  Well, I recently have come into contact with this musician who thinks he's absolutely the bees knees - even though he's fairly average when it comes to composition. He insists upon pushing all his credentials upon everyone. What is he trying to prove?

What are these people trying to prove who get in your face and tell you they rock?? All I begin to wonder, is why.

And one thing that I've noticed through all genres of human activity - the worse you are at something, the more you tend to over-estimate yourself. The loudest people, who talk on and on about themselves often are the worst!!!

And, that's how you know ;) is the website for an indie adventure game I am doing some of the portrait art for. It's all oldschool kingsquest style stuff!! I suggest you have a look if you're interested in that type of thing. It's still underway, but apparently it'll be done in 2005.


I'm moving things into storage/scraps for a bit. In about a month and a half I'll be doing an upload. Some of the pictures I have removed will come back up with the new ones, if I decide I still like them ;) Right now, I'm very picky about the way that my gallery is presented, and I've narrowed it down to just my latest.

These pics are in final production now, and WILL be in the upload: Khorben, Bloody Sonja, Tishara, Saan (:P). I'm sorry that you have had to wait so long! Not much longer now..
I have a terrible fear of flying that stems from sheer morbidity. That said, I've flown to Japan, America, Australia, Singapore and the Philippines -  several places, several times. I've done huge planes and teensy planes, long flights, short flights, and it doesn't change the fact that I freak out at turbulence, or the 20 or so minutes it takes for a plane to land.

I'll go into what I call "landing mode," where I refuse to talk to my brother, no matter how hard he tries to engage me in conversation. He knows I'm shit-scared so he does it on purpose to torment me. Distantly, I also know it's funny. Yet I'm constantly scanning the air hostesses faces to make sure that they don't look worried. I'm sure they train them, though, to look staid regardless of the circumstance. An air hostess would probably put an oxygen mask over your head with the same dignity that she carries herself with when passing you a food-tray.

So, we made it home safely - yay!! Which means I now have to look forward to a grey year that is much of a sameness. Here I am back at university, doing what I hope are my last two semesters of law. This is provided that everything goes according to plan ;) I'm on the road to hell, but don't deride me yet - you should really point and laugh at Opthalmos, who is almost ready to don her nasty black suit, and take up her money-grabbing suitcase of dire evil lawyer tricks!

Anyway, the Philippines.

Unless you're a halfcast aswell you can't really know what it's like to visit your mother's country (especially if it is a third world one) and meet all the people you've heard so much about.  Before I went this time, (I've been before, but I was really too young to think about anything) I did not have a full sense of cultural identity. I knew I was part filipina, but I had no understanding, and honestly little respect or interest in that part of myself.

Going overseas opened up a well of feeling that I didn't know I had. I know who I am now. I love the country and I identify with it. Have you been there?

It is not what I thought it would be like. All I could see in my mind's eye was poverty and a general lack of education, and coming from New Zealand that was a bad thing. But the culture is full of such genuineness, generosity, openness, and love that I wonder why I never had an interest in it before. They say NZ is laidback, and everyone is nice to you here - well the Philippines is better.

There's so much beauty in the people. My relatives are generally poor, but they share so much. They expect so little of you, yet they give you all the enthusiasm that they have. They opened their simple lives to me so that I could see that they weren't so simple afterall. They were just different.

There is beauty in the landscape. The villages nestled in screes of palm trees look like something out of the pirates of the carribean. There are huge daunting spanish structures left over from the invasion. There are pure white beaches that stretch on forever.

There IS much poverty. My cousin lives in a hut made of bamboo. She also owns a cell-phone. BUT three storey high, palatial villas stand side-by-side with these little huts. Sometimes you'll see a hut that has collapsed upon it's face entirely. There are beggars everywhere. Children carrying bloated babies, who gesture to you for food. There are annoying little boys who follow you around forever, trying to get you to buy their fake pearls.

I wouldn't call my trip a holiday. I would call it an intense cultural experience that was both happy and sad at times. I don't really want to go into it much further, but I love my family. Now that I have seen them, I can never leave them behind. They will be in the foremost of my thoughts forever.
Hello, I'll update soon. I have a few projects I am working on that have been put on the backburners for awhile. I can't say when I will be back though, it really depends on whether I feel artistically inspired or not, and at the moment I'm going through a music phase. Speaking of music, you should check out my friend's band if you are into heavier stuff. I hope I'm allowed to advertise this!! :P…

I'm also off to the philippines this saturday. I'll be back in two weeks, and then I start my last year (hopefully of school). See ya!!
I love you!!! :P
Some of you have been wondering where I have been the past month or so. Firstly I was off on study leave and then I was in the middle of exams. After that I went into post-exam celebration mode - under which my bank account still suffers. Then I decided one weekend to move into one of my best friends flats. His flatmate had disconnected the internet before moving out and so we had no connection for the longest time. Now I'm back!

I feel that my life is back on the upcurve again, finally. Now that I'm leaving all the shit behind I can focus on my goals again. Exams and exam results are all out of the way. (One more year and I will have a law degree! WHOOP WHOOP) The second job that was eating up my time has been put behind. I've joined the gym! Because I want to do boxing and yoga and I want to be fit! Like level 20 of the beep test or something. I want to be fit because I want to go on a really big hiking trip sometime early next year, up the steep NZ mountains and things like that. Oh yeah! I'm going on holiday to the Philippines next year! I've started eating fish again because I dont want to get there and make my relatives feel bad because I refuse to eat their food. I think vegetarianism is a luxury that the new world can afford. I would abandon my principles for these people I have hardly ever seen, who surely will put on a great event for me!! That's what they do, you see?? (It's not just for me, but my family, who I am going with). I'm trying to decide whether or not I should eat other meats aswell. Chicken might carry salmonella, and beef etc might have similar issues.  You know, even if I DID decide to eat meat, I dont think I would be able to bring myself to!! Last month my brother tried to make me eat a chicken nugget, and I just sat there for like five minutes with it in my hand. I couldn't do it, even though I kinda wanted to.

Recently I joined Greenpeace. So now I'm a member of Greenpeace and Amnesty International. I didn't know too much about Greenpeace when I joined, actually, but damnit I was in a good mood when the Greenpeace guy walked up to me, and I thought he was kinda cute too, so I was fucking agreeable!

But I've done a bit of research into Greenpeace, and it's pretty choice. Also, I LIKE DOLPHINS!

I have a competition deadline coming up that I MUST meet. If I dont meet the deadline I will kick myself forever and feel like an ass for not motivating myself enough to submit.

Aside from that, things are freeing up. This means that Tishara and all other projects and commissions will resume re-working.  I can't say when the request/free work will be completed but I really hope it will be soon. Paid work always takes priority, unfortunately :( :( If only I had more time.